Saturday, November 11, 2006 at 01:38AM
When you are tempted or troubled, remember what our Savior said, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation." He did not say, "Pray that you will not be tempted." It is good for us to be troubled and tempted. God will be with us in such times. He will sustain and deliver us.
Don't get the idea that you are holy because you have been spared temptation. The holiest of all are the most tempted of all. The higher the mountain, the greater the wind. God plays with his child the way a mother sometimes hides from a little one. Soon enough, there will be hugs and a wiping away of tears.
- John Wycliffe
First of all, let me say that I am sincerely and incredibly humbled and honored by all the responses and e-mails from my "doubt" post. I had no idea I would strike such a chord, but I won't lie, it's been really encouraging.
It's hard for me, usually, to think in conversation, or just in quiet. The best way for me to figure out what I think tends to be writing it out. Just having it in the air, and on paper, allows me to see what's actually going on in there. Or, as often as not, what I write turns into street signs pointing me to what's REALLY going on. It can take a while.
The quote above I found earlier this week, and though it doesn't line up exactly with what I wrote about, it's been really inspiring to me. Hope it means something to you guys, as well.
In talking with a few folks and reading the deluge of feedback I think I'm realizing just how big a part doubt plays in the overall journey of faith. Seems the believers I look up to and admire all have a fairly open relationship with Mr. Doubt. Not that they like him, but that they've stopped being scared of him and running away. He seems to have turned into a pesky cousin, I guess.
Mitch told me he feels often like the Dread Pirate Roberts in The Princess Bride who said to the captive every night, "I like you, but in the morning I shall probably kill you." He says for him it's like "I believe you, but in the morning I'll probably stop believing" but that he never has.
I don't know where all of this will lead, but I'm kind of excited about it, honestly, cause it's got to go somewhere.
And I want you to know that I'm not sitting around and moping all day, crying out "why!?!?" to the heavens. I'm not unhappy. Life is going on, my daughter's cute and energetic, my wife is pregnant and funny, I'm loving what I'm doing for a living and I'm surrounded by a great community.
I wrestle with these things not in a dark room full of books and secrets, but in a world of beauty and joy. It's the sadness and evil that don't belong here that I don't understand, and that causes most of this struggle.
I mean, really, what is faith? It's believing something and acting on that belief. Some days it's more the believing and some days it's probably more acting on what you believed yesterday because you want to believe it. That's faith in the truest sense, I guess. I don't imagine there are many devoted Christians who wish they didn't believe it. But there are a lot of devoted Christians that want to, and so they live for it, all the time proving it real.
That's my hope. For me, for sure, and for all those of you who've written and posted about this. Isn't it great to realize how not alone we are in this?? I'm SO glad to know, because I sure thought I was.
I probably crossed into Ramblesville about three paragraphs ago, so I'm going to bed now. You guys keep me doing this in more ways than you know. Have a great weekend, I'll post again tomorrow.
